Showing off my Talent :)

Estonian Lace pattern; a wedding gift to a woman I work with.





I am impressed with myself for the detail on how it turned out!

Hello World - Back to Reality, Again

I am back here on this blog site to remind myself that there is reality checks that I have to write about.

Since my last postings, I have moved to San Luis Obispo, CA; hired into a great job as a consultant utilizing all of my past hospital, IT and consulting skills; just bought another new car to join the sisterhood of Scooter (my Miata) and I have to admit much happier now that it has been nearly a year since I moved back from Australia. I am still haunted from living there with a credit card annual fee to pay but I am in a much better mind set instead of a deep dark depression last year. I have to thank a few people - without them I wouldn't be in this wonderland of California without their support shelter-wise. Oh yes, I also turned a milestone age. The photo should mark the disposition I am in at this time.



Of course - knitting continues to keep me centered. I have just finished a beautiful Estonian Lace shawl for a woman at work who is getting married. Had to take the images before I gifted it. Some day I will get back to knitting one for myself; I do have enough yarn choices. Those bins/barrel of yarn traveled with me overseas twice in the last year. Have to admit, they are the best inanimate companion :)

Violation of my Privacy...this one's for you!

Take a look at this photo as this will be the last time this image will be possible. This is a photo with my "buddy" Ken for the last time together. The drama has come to an end and I haven't even understood why it is such a fucking drama to begin with. What facinates me is how people that do not realize how they are untrue to themselves are also not true to others around them. All I am concerned with is that I am not responsible or accoutable for how others feel when it comes to paranoia and rage on their part(s). I feel absolutely awesome for the fact that I know I am in control of how I relate to people. Others with social/mental retardation in relating with people for others - well I am not here to train people especially when I know I gain nothing; call me a bitch. Puzzled on what the hell I am talking about? Here is the rundown:

-Ken and I have known each other for > 15 years as we have worked in the same company. Photo above is from our reunion of this company this past weekend. I have the sense of marital issues on his end the whole time I have known him.

-His wife (noted in last photo of previous post) doesn't seem happy with the fact that we have a 'friendship' together. Which means we have same interests and an adventurous interest of activities. Boohoo - can I help it that I can't include others that don't have the same energy as me?

-I even have listened and supported wife's perspective from hearing Ken's feedback on their marriage.

-Ken seems to have a different perspective e.g. that wife and I should be comfortable together. My thoughts are not the same as I sense the paranoia on her part. I respect the situation and encourage myself to be away from this 'friendship' but Ken has thought otherwise. Men, those dears!!My thoughts are that he is just another gay friend so what is the big deal?

-Because of my respect of walking away from this negative energy, wife seems to take upon herself to read this private blog. Private means that I only send this link to ones that I know (close friends) because I want them to read my thoughts. I did remove this blog link from Facebook last month as I know I wanted to keep this private. She has not answered Ken's question on where she got this link. Suspect invasion of his email privacy as well (?) Not my problem.

-My respect and honoring wife request of "I want her {me} to go away" yields her snooping and violation of my blog commentaries, did I mention this is private information? This is the thanks I get for being respectful to her request. Badgering Ken on what I meant by some comments helped me realize she is reading this blog.

Being true to oneself means you know your limitations in life in all aspects, even when it comes to people. I realized that my future employment will be measured on my tolerance of people interaction; thus the reason why I went into computer implementation work. A decision that I have to respect for myself as I have spent thousands of dollars in Nursing Aesthetic training thinking I was going to go into that field. My decision to not go into that is due to staying away from a work burnout and bullshitting with people for aesthetic shit. I am not a good liar.

I am finding out that the support of this wife's dark activity goes to the her, should I be surprised - NO! That's another subject of enablement....Sure this information is on the internet but there is the freedom of writing/speech that I am exercising here.

So, wife - this one's dedicated for you 'cos I know you are reading this! Notice how I have concealed your name for shear respect? BAZINGA!

Ken's 50th Birthday

Just got back from Ken's 50th birthday celebration on a yacht in Marina Del Rey. Appeteasers and lower than mediocre tasting birthday cake. At least it looked pretty.

Camille wasn't up to joining me since she is having yet another dramatic week at work. Being on a boat cycling through the marina was not what she was up for this evening. I met a couple of Ken's friends: Paul and Gail. Married couple who love and thrive on adventure. I turned them on to getting a Galapagos Island trip for themselves - they would love the nature and wildlife as I do. Paul is trying to get hooked up on hang gliding activity. I absolutely want to do that Ken wants to do that as well. This is one of my bucket list items.

My buddy Ken with the flowers I got him for this birthday (still sober).


Apparently, I don't seem to be a very welcome guest at the Ken's party in terms of Ken's wife and her friends are concerned. However I was invited to this "surprise" event. I tried to take a photo of Ken and myself and I believe this woman who pretended to be drunk was falling back on the 2 of us while the photo was being taken by his wife. Don't know why I gave the camera to her for the photo but I suspect the weird action from her friend was planned! Here is the best mug shot of Ken and I from the evening - it's as good as it gets! Here is Ken completely wasted and having a good time. The photo has cropped off the woman who seemed to want to be in every attempted shot! Don't you love the drama?


Who's your mama Ken?

Sturdy but Fragile

Here I am in the year of 2010 still without a means of an income; rejection seems to continue here. Had an interview in Florida for a manager position. It is replacing someone who was a manager first time as well. They decided to fly someone in from Australia...and picked someone else who has management experience. I think Australia has really tarnished me and I loved it there - how so fucking ironic! Am not really happy these days as I forgot to take my peri-menopausal pills for the past 3 days. Wondering why I am very emotional....again! I would love to think and experience that knitting all day, every day would give me an income. I am making Mark a sweater out of wool/angora fiber - he better like it! I also made a Manos wool for Laurie Bilbruck's mother, the woman's whose condo I am staying in - thank you Laurie!!

Otherwise, I am continuing to have this perspective of being led on then deflated; in all aspects of my life:

-Job interviews/head hunter calls that I though would be a job
-Friends who are supposed to be friends but desire to be more but can't deliver
-The economic sitation is "getting better"...where is work then?

I am fortunate for the situation that I am temporarily in to help me financially however one of the items is going away shortly which means I must find a used vehicle to purchase and get insurance along with other living maintenance.

Have to keep looking at the "bright side of life". Went to Vegas Valentine's weekend to get the 21 out of my system. We saw a Chihuly glass gallery and I loved those pieces! Here is my favourite estimated $55K USD.




I love the brilliant colors in his pieces! I have to identify with these pieces as showing my brilliance yet fragility if I am bumped off my mark.











Until next time....

And now for my Next Magic Trick

The Phoenix in me has yet to rise. I am still favouring my raw scars of 2009. Have to admit this past year has been the best and the worst times of my whole life so far. A love/hate rollercoaster:
• Love Melbourne- hate the company that got me out there to work
• Love the fact that I can be flexible by giving/selling all of my collectibles and housewares to move from one hemisphere to another-hate that I had to do it twice in the same year
• Love my best friends that I established in Melbourne-hate that I had to leave and not be with them as often as I was when I lived in there
• Love the fact that I am enjoying my unemployment phase now-hate the manner of how I got this way
Since I just recently took the laser/botox/dermal filler certification course at National Laser Institue I still see myself going to the familiar environment of technology project work. I feel as though I am starting all over again not with my living situation but also with my career and life!



I am grateful that there are a couple potential employments that seem to be promising to me at this time therefore enjoying my “me” time as much as possible. The lesson learned here: Always consider keeping my environmental happiness instead of making any hasty work decisions because it's glamorous.

One of my Nursing Continuing Education for Nurses booklet in the mail has a course for ‘Burnout: Impact on Nursing’. Reading through it, it applies to ANY job or career and not just in Nursing. Scanning through it, I had the classic burnout risks, manifestations, symptoms and stages while working in Melbourne. Good thing I have this information so in my job interviews, I can inquire on whether I will burnout again. Term of burnout: “The term is used to describe a mild degree of unhappiness caused by stress, as well as any degree of distress, from fatigue or major depression…..it is not a problem related to an individual but a problem of the social environment in which people work and is a function of how people within that environment interact with one another and perform their jobs.” Let me say that the fucking bitch that started the rampage of not supporting me at work Down Under definitely was the lynch-pin from my experience. Am relieved that it is something I cannot take personally but at the time, I felt like a failure; truly like going through a divorce for the length of time I worked at that company.

I am very grateful for friends that have helped me through this mess and recovery. I actually did help out a couple of friends for a living situation in the past so I guess I am getting my return of that good deed :). So…for my next magic trick, I will make sure that I avoid the risks, correct any manifestations/symptoms to avoid the stages of burnout….in my 4th career!