It's official! I am now very centered and happy with myself this week since I feel like I have accomplished something positive at my current project. Friday I blew a gasket when I realized that coming home to only work long and intense hours didn't give me the feeling that I was "home". It's simply a turnstyle building where I exchange clothes, pay bills and get my handyman set up for additional work (paying him more $$). However every month I seem to have a small bout of insomnia - blame it on the moon.
Meanwhile I long for having another pet to come home to. Here's something interesting! Before I left Sunday morning to the Oxnard airport I woke up with pieces of toilet paper trailed in my bedroom doorway. One piece seemd to be smooched together and a couple of small pieces balled up like in a trail of bread crumbs. Now I know that I am not that sloppy to trail TP around my house! I think my cat Opal who died in my house is still there. This was something she would do to get my attention when she was a kitten. A month ago one of my purses fell off a shelf in a room that I was not in at all. I heard something fall and saw that my purse was upside down on the floor. A camera strap on a shelf above was still swinging from the movement since it had to pass through it falling. That wasn't me either! This was another kinetic action that Opal used to do when she was a kitten to get my attention. If anyone can explain this, I am open for anything.
My routine is to shut this computer down at a certain evening hour no matter how many email message are outstanding in my inbox. Too bad world! I do have a life and I need to break no matter if I live in this hotel or not. At least someone cleans after me :)
Memoirs of a Road Warrior!
09 May 2007
Creative Therapy
For those you are still reading my blog here...I am posting photos of a baby blanket that I knitted for my friend Camille. This is what I sent express mail to her cousin who just recently had a baby.
Knitting seems to help me stay focused and avoids me from thinking of what next to eat. :)
Knitting seems to help me stay focused and avoids me from thinking of what next to eat. :)
Here is my daily inspiration trying it out
04 May 2007
Dream of Running
The other night I had one of those dreams where I was with people I know in real life. This usually means that something is going on with them yet it's funny how I recognize two people in my dream this time and they are both Asian adoptees like myself! It's finally coming to me that I am facing my hidden issues that I kept burrying all these years I suppose.
I dreamed I was walking into some Casino house where several poker tables were in games with lots of men. I walked in with Joe Thompson and Jan Lyon (haven't been in touch with these guys for a while either) when my cell phone rang and somebody on the other line was chatting about nonsense then all of a sudden screamed "RUN! NOW!" It startled me to where I dropped the phone, the voice still chatting loud enough as I ran away. I turned around and noticed Jan was looking at me in a weird way as though I was crazy as I am running away. As I ran out of this building, I almost ran into men with guns as they were coming into the building to raid the place. I realized they were the authority busting the place but I was getting out in time. My adoptee 'friends' were still in the building but I didin't seem to be interested or concerned of what the fate is for them since they didn't follow me out. I didn't say anything to them, just ran. The voice on the phone gave me to cue that there was no time to explain, just run. Even after running out, I kept running in the street as though I was trying to really be in the clear of something.
My dream book states that dreaming of running by yourself indicates that I will outstrip my friends in the race for wealth and occupy a higher place in social life. Telephone in dreams means jealousy and rivalry but will overcome all evil influences. Sounds like I was being selfish in my dream by not caring what happens to others around me. Funny how dreams and reality can somehow be symbolic. I realize that I am going through a time where I need to take care of myself and no others. Sorry folks - I miss you all in this world but my sense of humor is on hold temporarily. Perhaps working long hours doesn't help matters.
I dreamed I was walking into some Casino house where several poker tables were in games with lots of men. I walked in with Joe Thompson and Jan Lyon (haven't been in touch with these guys for a while either) when my cell phone rang and somebody on the other line was chatting about nonsense then all of a sudden screamed "RUN! NOW!" It startled me to where I dropped the phone, the voice still chatting loud enough as I ran away. I turned around and noticed Jan was looking at me in a weird way as though I was crazy as I am running away. As I ran out of this building, I almost ran into men with guns as they were coming into the building to raid the place. I realized they were the authority busting the place but I was getting out in time. My adoptee 'friends' were still in the building but I didin't seem to be interested or concerned of what the fate is for them since they didn't follow me out. I didn't say anything to them, just ran. The voice on the phone gave me to cue that there was no time to explain, just run. Even after running out, I kept running in the street as though I was trying to really be in the clear of something.
My dream book states that dreaming of running by yourself indicates that I will outstrip my friends in the race for wealth and occupy a higher place in social life. Telephone in dreams means jealousy and rivalry but will overcome all evil influences. Sounds like I was being selfish in my dream by not caring what happens to others around me. Funny how dreams and reality can somehow be symbolic. I realize that I am going through a time where I need to take care of myself and no others. Sorry folks - I miss you all in this world but my sense of humor is on hold temporarily. Perhaps working long hours doesn't help matters.
27 April 2007
"What's Going On?"
It's been a while since I posted here and for distracting reasons. By the way, I got my fraudulent charge reversed on Diners...after the appropriate paperwork notarized. This time it was faster. I guess it helps when you can claim a charge on the same day of the fraud from a different location. I still refuse to open anymore store credit cards and purchase anything online.
Becky G has written a premonition dream about me and my mother a while back. It has predicted an emotional wound that I don't think I have gotten over yet. It was just in time before I met up with my long lost cousin of 30 years, Tom. I have been haunted (not by ghosts) by my chronic dysfunctional family situation called my mother; really both my adoptive parents. The complexity is that not only did I choose to be born in this life, I truly didn't choose to be in the family dynamics - add the identity crisis to boot and call it adoptee issues. At least I am not bullistic like Cho Seing-Ho at V-Tech. I am responsible to know that I do not want children to ingrain this same dysnfunction that I was brought up with.
My parents both are very superficial because it is difficult for them to expose any sense or signal of failure as humans. As a result, they do not communicate nor are they compassionate of others around them including their children. My siblings of this family are all chemically dependent on something and they have not been in touch with my parents for years, so my parents say. If I try to talk about anything with human and emotional depth, they clearly cannot function. I know these are the only parents I have but they are not peeps that I would want to be with for a long period of time. We don't have anything in common nor on the same intelligence level. I can tell that they don't want to talk to me if I start talking about business or my career. They don't understand what I do since I was a bedside nurse.
I long for family communications such as "what is going on" with other family members. I have a hard time getting that information from my parents that don't want to talk about 'sensitive' family issues. When I called my mother to talk about cousin Tom, she had a difficult time to talk about that side of the family. I had to pull information out of her. There is some anomosity between our fathers that was waaaay before our time. I think my mother seems to perpetuate the situation for some historical reason. I am not sure why this has to do with us cousins but it has affected the frequency of keeping in touch with each other. Her reason is that "they didn't talk to you whenever we went over to their house...". I think they didn't talk to her for some reason but it's easier to put it on others to avoid any signal of social failure. Her ultimate message was "don't tell your father you are in touch with that side of the family..." however she thanked me for telling her of this reunion. It's as though she was privi to such secretive information. Her secrets seem to be power over others. I work with some people that don't share their knowledge and expertise so this reminds me of those people.
I suppose when I ask people "what's going on", it's because I really want to be included in the scene to feel as though I am part of their lives. It's not that much to ask for.
Becky G has written a premonition dream about me and my mother a while back. It has predicted an emotional wound that I don't think I have gotten over yet. It was just in time before I met up with my long lost cousin of 30 years, Tom. I have been haunted (not by ghosts) by my chronic dysfunctional family situation called my mother; really both my adoptive parents. The complexity is that not only did I choose to be born in this life, I truly didn't choose to be in the family dynamics - add the identity crisis to boot and call it adoptee issues. At least I am not bullistic like Cho Seing-Ho at V-Tech. I am responsible to know that I do not want children to ingrain this same dysnfunction that I was brought up with.
My parents both are very superficial because it is difficult for them to expose any sense or signal of failure as humans. As a result, they do not communicate nor are they compassionate of others around them including their children. My siblings of this family are all chemically dependent on something and they have not been in touch with my parents for years, so my parents say. If I try to talk about anything with human and emotional depth, they clearly cannot function. I know these are the only parents I have but they are not peeps that I would want to be with for a long period of time. We don't have anything in common nor on the same intelligence level. I can tell that they don't want to talk to me if I start talking about business or my career. They don't understand what I do since I was a bedside nurse.
I long for family communications such as "what is going on" with other family members. I have a hard time getting that information from my parents that don't want to talk about 'sensitive' family issues. When I called my mother to talk about cousin Tom, she had a difficult time to talk about that side of the family. I had to pull information out of her. There is some anomosity between our fathers that was waaaay before our time. I think my mother seems to perpetuate the situation for some historical reason. I am not sure why this has to do with us cousins but it has affected the frequency of keeping in touch with each other. Her reason is that "they didn't talk to you whenever we went over to their house...". I think they didn't talk to her for some reason but it's easier to put it on others to avoid any signal of social failure. Her ultimate message was "don't tell your father you are in touch with that side of the family..." however she thanked me for telling her of this reunion. It's as though she was privi to such secretive information. Her secrets seem to be power over others. I work with some people that don't share their knowledge and expertise so this reminds me of those people.
I suppose when I ask people "what's going on", it's because I really want to be included in the scene to feel as though I am part of their lives. It's not that much to ask for.
22 March 2007
My Reward for Having Execellent Credit
Yup, the thieves did it again to me!
Tonight I took a look at my online Diners Club credit account (my work credit card) and noticed that someone had a party with my card; limo service of $319.46 on March 17 in New Jersey!! The same day I have a transaction at Landmark 78, a local Ventura restaraunt. How can I be on two coasts at the same time?
Diners wants me to sign a fraudulent form that they will send me and want me to notarize it. Another snag, how can I find time to notarize this shit when I am traveling for a living using this credit card? Spoke to the manager and she said that a signature and date will suffice since I travel as much. She had to say that since this is a coroporate card.
4-5 years ago, someone got a hold of my SS# and opened up credit accts, taking cash advances ruining my credit. A bank in Atlanta called me to verify who I really was and realized that I live in CA, not Georgia. Fraudulent charges ~ $2000 had to be removed from one account, ~ $500 more for another acct that was opened up in my name at that time.
2 years ago, someone got a hold of one my personal credit accounts and charged up a storm in England. Ironic that I went to live in England for work thereafter as I was working on getting those fraudulent charges off of my account.
Needless to say, I no longer give out my SSN or open any more credit cards. No more online business transactions; only online fund transfers directly paying off the credit billing. Now I have to go back to the damn paper writing checks to pay these off, dammit!! NO MORE EBAY OR PAYPAL. Meanwhile I am still getting paypal fraudulent access messages in my email when these accounts are closed. WTF?
This is such an invasion of my privacy. Why the hell can't people just fucking leave me alone? Get a job! This is what I get for being a good citizen and following the rules and living the American dream?
Tonight I took a look at my online Diners Club credit account (my work credit card) and noticed that someone had a party with my card; limo service of $319.46 on March 17 in New Jersey!! The same day I have a transaction at Landmark 78, a local Ventura restaraunt. How can I be on two coasts at the same time?
Diners wants me to sign a fraudulent form that they will send me and want me to notarize it. Another snag, how can I find time to notarize this shit when I am traveling for a living using this credit card? Spoke to the manager and she said that a signature and date will suffice since I travel as much. She had to say that since this is a coroporate card.
4-5 years ago, someone got a hold of my SS# and opened up credit accts, taking cash advances ruining my credit. A bank in Atlanta called me to verify who I really was and realized that I live in CA, not Georgia. Fraudulent charges ~ $2000 had to be removed from one account, ~ $500 more for another acct that was opened up in my name at that time.
2 years ago, someone got a hold of one my personal credit accounts and charged up a storm in England. Ironic that I went to live in England for work thereafter as I was working on getting those fraudulent charges off of my account.
Needless to say, I no longer give out my SSN or open any more credit cards. No more online business transactions; only online fund transfers directly paying off the credit billing. Now I have to go back to the damn paper writing checks to pay these off, dammit!! NO MORE EBAY OR PAYPAL. Meanwhile I am still getting paypal fraudulent access messages in my email when these accounts are closed. WTF?
This is such an invasion of my privacy. Why the hell can't people just fucking leave me alone? Get a job! This is what I get for being a good citizen and following the rules and living the American dream?
12 March 2007
Tremendous Loss to Standup Comedy
Saturday, March 10 a man who makes people laugh seemed to have taken his own life at his residence in W. Hollywood. I saw him a couple times live and he is a very clever comedian with real-life situatons; didn't swear profusely which the reason why I liked him. I also used to work at the hospital they took him to. Small world now that I have been in it long enough. I will miss Richard Jeni, my best friend was in tears when I told her about the news on her voice message Sunday. She was the one that turned me on to him in the first place.
What was he doing with a gun? Sometimes the fame and success is too much for one. I like to keep a low profile myself as you can see why.
What was he doing with a gun? Sometimes the fame and success is too much for one. I like to keep a low profile myself as you can see why.
26 February 2007
30 Year Reunion
After an exhausting week of working night shift and calling cousin Tom twice in Chicago O'Hare, here is the photo that says it all! What a reunion! See the family resemblance?
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