At the eve of St. Valentine's Day, I always feel as though I am not meant to be in this stratesphere; out of my league.
This past weekend I sat in on a seance for a man that died ~6 years ago; his widowed wife is having difficulty letting go of him. Listening to her life with him and with her family as she made lasagna and canoles for us reminded me of how alone I am. The sensitivity of my surroundings are as such; 1) I am not good at supporting other peoples' grief and loss as much as I want to if I haven't experienced the same level of intimacy in another, 2) A sense of my deep depression and anger surfaces for not having such fortune in my life before or now, 3) Watching other couples feed each other in restaurants just exacerbates the above items mentioned. All three of these items makes me wish I had the fortune or benefit that others have so far in their lives. I must be out of my league!
I feel more comfortable when we are ghost hunting; dusting for ghosts but uncomfortable in the true living beings especially in a large group at one time. The sense of inadequacy keeps rearing its ugly head - inadequate to relate with others about life and relationships with their loved ones. "Don't you want to have children?" ---eeeewwwww! This must be why I relate to the paranormal - they are also suspended in their stratesphere. Now, back to my coping - drowning myself in the therapy of knitting multiple projects simultaneously and hang out with my knitting sisters.
About Me
- Cheryl
- The Villages, FLORIDA, United States
- Also known as Kim, San Nyu pre America
Self Portrait
Ellie the Koala
Bathing Koala
I am hot!
In-sa-dong Market
Imitating the Warrior Guardian
Bhuddist Temple - Korea
Love those architectural angles
Korean Folk Village
Love the Fall colors
Sailing the Rainbow
Caribbean Cruise
Devil's Cauldron
My favorite - watching mud bubble and boil!
New Zealand
Bubbling Champagne Pool
Stonehenge
"How did those rocks get that way?"
Tower of London - Henry VIII Armour
About the Size of it
1 comment:
I just had dinner the other night with a man who shoved food into my mouth. Three men called to ask if I wanted to spend Valentine's Day with them. I've enjoyed (and am still enjoying) the joys of motherhood. I'm working on a project that helps kids, and they love me for it.
Yet I spend every moment I can rolled up in a fetal position in my bed. I haven't vacuumed for 4 months. Our home is a mess. I can barely deal with buying groceries.
Just read a book by a woman about her discovery, in her late 20's, that she had Tourette's Syndrome and OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder). Since they're genetic disorders, she and her family had spent years in denial.
You're not out of your League, love. The beauty of you is that you refuse to hide, and make everything pretty, pretty to put a veil over other people's eyes.
Stay the course because, ultimately, you know you don't want to be with shallow people anyway....male or female. Those people making kissy kissy over the dinner table.....who knows what they think of one another?
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