Fortunate Life

With all of my rantings in my previous postings, I have to admit that I am very fortunate in my life thus far. Yes, I am alone but the simplicity has helped me survive and sheltered me from the harsh parts of mankind :)

Last week, I received a snail-mail letter from a man who was taking a shot in the dark hoping that I was his long lost cousin. His name is Tom and with the same last name as our fathers are brothers. He wrote that he found pictures of me when we were young from a person who recently died in the family. I called his mobile number and sure enough, it was Tom and he successfully found me! He said he found me on the website from all of the Korean adoptee information, birth search, etc. Since I am listed in the phone book, he found my mailing address. We caught up with each others' families after no contact for 30 years; thanks to our Italian family dysfunctional dynamics! Needless to say, this was quite an emotional and shocking moment to speak with someone that I haven't seen that length of time. We will be reuniting at Chicago O'Hare airport later this week...pictures to follow.

This makes my irritants in life so meaningless when things like this happen. There are only so much we have in control of our lives; other things happen for the reasons that they do. I can't wait to contact my parents after this reunion!

Thank you George W!

Nothing like living in the material age discrimination world! I am a licensed RN in two states and keep them both active with critical care experience and here is what I found on a job board. So much for serving for "my country".

"Medical-Surgical Nurse
Company: California Army National Guard-Officer

Requirements

Must be a graduate of an accredited nursing program and hold a current State license to practice nursing.

Must be 42 years old or younger (50 years old or younger with 10+ years of prior military service)

Must be a U.S. Citizen

Must be able to pass a physical exam and meet legal and moral standards"

Out of my League

At the eve of St. Valentine's Day, I always feel as though I am not meant to be in this stratesphere; out of my league.

This past weekend I sat in on a seance for a man that died ~6 years ago; his widowed wife is having difficulty letting go of him. Listening to her life with him and with her family as she made lasagna and canoles for us reminded me of how alone I am. The sensitivity of my surroundings are as such; 1) I am not good at supporting other peoples' grief and loss as much as I want to if I haven't experienced the same level of intimacy in another, 2) A sense of my deep depression and anger surfaces for not having such fortune in my life before or now, 3) Watching other couples feed each other in restaurants just exacerbates the above items mentioned. All three of these items makes me wish I had the fortune or benefit that others have so far in their lives. I must be out of my league!

I feel more comfortable when we are ghost hunting; dusting for ghosts but uncomfortable in the true living beings especially in a large group at one time. The sense of inadequacy keeps rearing its ugly head - inadequate to relate with others about life and relationships with their loved ones. "Don't you want to have children?" ---eeeewwwww! This must be why I relate to the paranormal - they are also suspended in their stratesphere. Now, back to my coping - drowning myself in the therapy of knitting multiple projects simultaneously and hang out with my knitting sisters.

How do you spell Dishoveled?

Just work for one of the American corporate businesses where they are looking at the 10 year large profit strategy; forget the pride of the workers.

Ah..just like the Ford car centers, my company is going through a major reorganization. The headquarter office for this country is in Kansas City where many of us were hired out in the field to work virtually. They are now making us work straight away in our "territories" or out of the HQ office. I have been working in the Detroit metro since they punted me in this region after my tenure in the UK global services; that was a wonderful decision to not return me to the West on their part. There are other things that they want to flatten in the organization but I am destined to be back in the West region; hurray for me!

The downside is that I am about to start up a really big project that I take pride in. I told my direct report manager that if I am to be compliant to be working my West "territory", I be removed from this project asap. Why would I want to exert all of my expertise and energy on a project and then suddenly get yanked out? The other option to be work in the project in "violation" of my home territory. No dice, they don't want me to be in the duration non-compliant. So much for the pride that employees have in such companies. Now I see why we have shit for American products and customer services. I have been laid off before so I have to say that I have experienced all divets of the American corporate lifestyle. I quit jobs before I get any sense of demotion.

Retirement can't come too soon!

Paris is calling

Talking about ghost hunting and structures last night has made me reflect being in Paris; my favorite place in Europe. I don't care if they don't speak English. We don't speak English in America - we speak American!

Le Pere Lachaise cemetary has to be the coolest place in Paris.....Notre Dame and St. Chapelle is close behind.

I actually fell asleep while inside St. Chapelle with all of the stain glass windows and tourists. It was the most peaceful place, more peaceful than in the Cistene Chapelle in Rome.

Definately lots of comforting energies around Notre Dame :) love the gargoyle water spouts!

New Year's Success - it's only a job

What a great start to 2007. After functioning 70-80% from a head congestion over the Christmas week, working on limited cylinders has helped me with something that by boss didn't think I would be able to achieve. Don't you love it when you can show up your boss? I couldn't convince him that the client will follow my consulting advice on a piece of software functionality in a new project yet to start. He said they will want this functionality, I said they will not be able to deploy it with the short timeline and other logistical reasons. There is an alternative that I gave them in my presentation meeting today and I won with minimum effort! I believe there was executive coaching to a specific participant before the meeting but my boss was impressed that I convinced them other than what he thought. Yet bosses still have to feel like they have the upper hand in the end...his comment was, "good job!.....you convinced this group but wait until the physician executives have the opportunity to say something..." :P I think he forgot that I used to work with those egotistical 'professionals'. Hey - don't burst my bubble for today! If only surprises like this can be a pattern in my "nun" lifestyle.

Being Single - What's it Good For?

What does it take to really attract the opposite sex in this age range? Online dating ads from guys say "Seeking women between ages 25-45" so I miss it by one year :P

There are days where I feel like that white pelican that I took pictures of in St. James Park in London. Sitting and napping amongst the youngsters around me while they get the 'action'. Or the older women with more exotic features capture men because they don't have many more choices. (?) I seem to always miss some age range or social reason of being picked. Have I been picked over from the lot? Maybe I am the picky one with high standards; high standards according to the eHarmony 29 page personal survey that I filled out and got NOWHERE, thank you for that drop of change!

So if it's me: sense of independence and male ego intimidation has always been my awareness. Too strong, aggressive, too independent, "cocky" (love that adjective) all equals not femine enough to stroke the fragile male ego. Then there were my chances of staying with men who were the quiet type; their mothers were the dominmant ones in their families. That freaked me out because I want a partnership where decisions are made together and not because of me alone. That good old compromise seems to be difficult in our "convenient" society. I keep forgetting - women have to train their men. Oh, where the hell is that written in those "Joy of Sex" and 'better your relationship' books? Where is the Dr. Spock book on how to train the man in a relationship?

My mother thought I was a lesbian back in 1987 because I wasn't married yet. Back then my sister who is 2 1/2 years younger than me was going through a separation to divorce of a man who wanted her to do nothing with working. He wanted her to bring him a beer at his beckon call. What she saw in him I have no clue but I had nothing in common with him to carry a conversation with anyway. At that time I realized that my mother was not the brightest light bulb by asking me of my marital status when her own biological daughter is going through a divorce from the village idiot. My immediate answer to her was, "So what if I was?" I loved her mouth drop down in surprise. My second answer was - why would I marry anyone off the street and end up in a divorce? As it turns out, all of my siblings in this family have been married and divorced at least once each. I am the survivor of the only one never married. Is that a curse or is that a winner in a family?

For today, I am just as happy with the simple companionship set up; not required for marriage material. I never was high school prom material. I identify with the lead character in a new show called "My Boys"; where she thinks like a guy, acts like a guy and hangs out with the boys but still has 'I am a girl attracted to the cute guy' genetics.